Over the last few days I’ve been thinking about the path I’ve ended up on and what puts people on the path they’re on. Henri Juntilla wrote last week about how to know that you’re on the right path. I’m going to say that neither Henri nor I can tell you that you are on the right path. In fact reading this blog post won’t enable you to figure out the right path. As Morpheus said to Neo, “Nobody can tell you what the Matrix is, you just have to experience it for yourself.”
Conditioning, Conformity, and Security
From the time we are about 5 years old we are more or less conditioned not to be true Linchpins. In fact the byproduct of our conditioning is a billion dollar self help industry, god knows how many personal development blogs, and every other resource imaginable to fix how F$#$d up we are. Single file lines, coloring inside the lines, and not asking why after getting hit upside the head with a ruler embeds this mentality into us. Depending on where you work, we even take it into the working world where challenging the status quo is looked down upon and managers’ feel threatened by people who will inevitably be the movers and shakers of life in general. Security is encouraged by doing things like going to college, and choosing a major that will actually get you a job.
The Voices of Reason (aka the masses)
I remember telling my parents I wanted to be an English major and they thought it would not get me anywhere. Funny, I don’t use my degree in Environmental Economics and Policy at all and it’s never resulted in a single one of my jobs. But, this was the “practical” choice. But it doesn’t end with choosing your major. It starts all over again with choosing where you are going to work. MBA students covet jobs at investment banks, consulting firms, and Fortune 500 companies because it’s the respectable thing to do. Everybody has agreed that “this is the path to success.” So students get in line listening to what everybody else has said will make them successful and happy. The idea that we can create our own definitions for success or failure is completely neglected. It becomes so bad after a certain point that we start to embrace the comparative and competitive disadvantage. Our education system isn’t creating Linchpins and leaders. It’s creating people who can’t think for themselves because this enables us to maintain order. We want to keep the Matrix intact. Imagine a world where we didn’t follow all these damn rules and we colored outside the lines. That would be anarchy and we certainly couldn’t have that.
I’ve listened to everything you’ve said. I’ve embraced it, I’ve implemented it. None of it worked. All those “stable perfect jobs for me” lead to IBS, ADHD, and uphill career battles. Finally a moment came when I decided to stop listening to what everybody else told me was the answer and trust what I felt was the answer. I finally figured out when to hold and when to fold.
Failing and Succeeding on Your Own Terms
When I stopped listening to what everybody else told me was the right path, when I started to trust what had been inside of me this entire time, that’s when I finally started to fire on all cylinders. Close to 32 years in the making and finally I feel like I’m on the right path. It’s a world apart from the path that I had figured was the answer that everybody else told me was going to make me successful. So why don’t we do this? Why don’t we attempt things beyond our limits? Fear is the one thing that destroys our true potential. The punishment and reward system of traditional thinking, education and conventional wisdom actually creates fear. So, here we are reading books, blogs, listening to tapes and reprogramming all this nonsense. I’ll leave you with one last thought. Whether you fail or succeed, you succeed if you’re doing it on your own terms.
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Thoughtful writing Srini.
Its true that we should follow what we want to do rather than what people suggest us to do. Its not worth it if we regret about a decision 30-40 years from the present. Unfortunately the peer pressure in our society (Indian especially) is so much that we start giving up on our dreams and take the normal and well tested path. You have rightly said its the "fear" of the future and the society that bothers an individual. Few questions like
"How are my parents/relatives going to react?", "Is my future stable like others??", "My friends have settled, what about me??" always revolves around in the mind. Its like a battle between "peer pressure" and "dreams". Ultimately an individual is based on the result of the battle.
As Steve Jobs rightly said "Don't rest till you find your passion". Exceptional are those who follow their dreams. I hope in the future the term "exceptional" is used for people following a regular life.
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