How to look at things when you are on the verge of implosion

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The other day I was listening to a podcast from my life coach who said something that really struck a chord with me. In fact my friend heard it first, and told me to go back and listen to it. He said “usually it’s on the verge of impending doom, when you wonder where your next dollars are going to come from, how you are going to pay the rent, etc, etc, that you make your biggest breakthroughs. But, in the midst of all that you have to take action, move forward, and not focus on the things that are falling apart.”

I really resonated with this because it described quite a bit of what I’m going through. I’ve shared with most of you that my time post-grad school has been challenging, but at the same time I’ve experienced some of the greatest personal growth of my life.  When we can adopt a shift in perspective, we can really get the most of out of what is the illusion of an adverse condition. By understanding the impact of perception, we can make a conscious effort to control that perception. As I started to write this post I thought several examples from my own life that seemed like disasters that changed the trajectory of my life in a good way.

All-State Band Freshman Year

Through the simple power in belief before I had any idea what that actually meant, I learned how to play the tuba and became quite skilled at it. What I never mentioned was that I went through  a series of ups and downs that were almost synchronistic. When I started the playing the tuba in 7th grade, I tried out for the junior high All District Band. I missed it by one chair. In eight grade, I tried out again, and I came in 1st place in the whole district.  In 9th grade, I tried out for the Texas All-State Band.  The Texas All-State band is probably one of the best youth music organizations in the country, if not the world. It’s a breeding ground for future symphony orchestra members. However, I missed it by once chair. I was pretty devastated considering how much it meant to me.  In 10th grade, I tried out for the California All-State band and I was 1st chair in the state of California. The synchronicity of this was almost uncanny:

• 7th grade: missed it by 1 chair
• 8th grade: 1st chair in the district
• 9th grade: missed it by 1 chair
• 10th grade: 1st chair in the state of California

The point I’m making here is that each failure was a stepping stone to my success.

The First Girl I thought I was into

I’ve been a late bloomer in most aspects of my life, especially dating. I didn’t really date anybody in college. I had a one week summer tryst with some girl who in a matter of 3 days I convinced myself I was in love with. Needless to say I was a bit delusional. After a week went by, she decided she wasn’t into it , and I felt destroyed. However, that moment was the beginning of the trajectory that would take me down this path of personal development. If that hadn’t happened, I would have never been forced to start exploring myself or discovered the world of personal development. It fundamentally altered the way I started to see the world. This blog probably wouldn’t exist today if that hadn’t happened.

Losing my first job

My first year out of college was hands down the worst year of my entire life. I literally could not remember a time when I had been so unhappy. After 9 months of pounding the pavement at a job I hated, and slave driver CEO who didn’t pay any of the sales people a commission, I lost my first job after college 5 days before Christmas. The same day one of my close friends quit. For almost 3 years we would call each other on December 20th, and wish each other a happy anniversary because it had such a negative impact on us.

But, an amazing thing happened about 3 months later. In February, I moved back to my parents house, and for most of March, I took off to Europe where I spent 3 weeks exploring Amsterdam, Barcelona, and Ibiza. You might have guessed by now that I kind of tend to pick party destinations when I travel .  After returning home, I got an interview at a great company, and two weeks later I had a new job. Things were starting to turn around. A week after I got that job, I found out that the company was being acquired and that I was getting laid off. I couldn’t believe that after all this I was about to get laid off. What happened next was the real gift. For my 3 weeks of work, I got 2 months of severance pay. 2 weeks later I had another job offer that resulted in about 15,000 dollars in bonuses.

If all of these experiences have made me realize anything is that it is true that adversity is an illusion that most of us buy into.

Tags: adversity, success, failure