When you see someone doing better than you in terms of success in one field, or skills in another, how do you respond to seeing that? There are ways to respond that are healthy/beneficial for you, and other ways that are appealing as instant responses, but which leave you unable to even compete with them.
How Do You View What Others Have?
If you find that your friend owns a large house in a desirable area, does your mind first respond by thinking negatively of them, being jealous of what they have, and allowing it to anger you and stop your activity for a period of time until your regroup? It is clear to see from the current structure of society that most folks respond in this unproductive way.
Does Seeing Success Cause You To Take Action?
On the other end of the response spectrum is the very healthy response, where you think to yourself, “what can I do to get what this person has?”. This is the pro-active way to go, and accepts the fact that you have just as much potential to gain as the person did to get that big house.
If It Challenges You Productively, It Is Good For You
I would call this a good form of jealousy, in that it doesn’t contain the view that someone else is lucky, which they are not, or evil, which they are not, but that they put out effort to get something or build up a skill, and you can do the same. This is empowering because suddenly all the things around you are attainable when you have this perspective. There aren’t people keeping you down, but instead, people representing an example of what it takes to get there. Use the examples that you see and toss off any of the anger directed towards them.
See The Errors Of Others And Learn From Them
To supplement the point, it is good to look at others around you who do talk in a jealous way, and to see how it affects their ability to produce or bring about effects. You will notice that their jealousy leaves them unable to do well, because their mind is in the mode that they are already out of the running, and the opportunity was given to someone other than themselves. It’s always good to learn from others around you, so as not to fall into the same bad habits that they would rather not have either.
Armen Shirvanian writes for the site Timeless Information on topics including mindset development, social interaction, communication, and competition. He has also created a compilation eBook that has thorough discussion about 11 valuable quotations. You can check out his articles and eBook at www.timelessinformation.com
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
I have found in the past that comparing myself to others only makes me angry at myself for being as “good” as them. I’ve finally learnt to let go and concentrate on impro ving myself. I only compete with myself.
Great guest post, Armen! This is a very important topic and I’m really glad you covered it here.
Hi Armen – I like the distinction you make in this post. On the one hand you can wallow in a negative emotion, or, on the other, you can figure out what action you need to take. It’s the difference between letting emotions overwhelm you or hearing a message from them.
Great post! Jealousy is all to common in today’s society. The key I’ve found in overcoming it, is to become happy with yourself and your place in life. Once you are happy with who you are, you can more easily replace the bad jealousy with good jealousy (or admiration,) and then use that to make improvements in your own life.
Good insight. We can simply allow jealousy–the good kind and bad–welcome it, love it, and then let it go! There’s no need for it.
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Gordie: Hey that is cool. That switch you made is one I made too, I think. I think I made it a solid understand when I wrote an article saying that our only competition is ourselves, like you said there.
Dani: Thanks for that. I had wanted to make this point for a bit, and to make sure the distinction between types of jealousy was noticeable.
Amanda: Hello to you. I just wrote about that distinction in my last response, and here you are bringing it up which is a good sign about my goal for the article. I like what you wrote there in relating it to how emotions can overwhelm or be controlled, and those that control them are basically unstoppable.
Eric: Thank you. I like that you put admiration there, because it might as well be what fits in the place of what I called “good jealousy”. We have that option to be glad with where we are, and no one will help us make that choice except ourselves. Others are worried about their own jealousies or weaknesses.
Kaushik: Thanks there. You might be right about that. I would say I am a supporter of the good kind of jealousy, or admiration, but it would probably work out fine to not even really focus on others and what they have. I do like a bit of competitive aspect so I like to see what is around. Thanks for your alternate viewpoint.
It never necessary to compare yourself with another person , because it being yourself is where its at.
” be yourself, everyone else is taken”
Why be jealous of a person? it doesn’t make you better or increase your self esteem. Its better to be the best you can be, by first loving yourself!
Armen,
Thanks for writing up this guest post. From the looks of the comments, looks like it was quite popular. I definitely think that there is a comparative and competitive disadvantage that people fall victim to and that can be really harmful, but you’ve also given us a way for it to be helpful.
Motivation – that is my response. I used to have some jealousy and it was an awful feeling. It made me a lesser person and I did not like who I was. So now I look at those who do yoga far better than me, tango far better – one thing that I struggle with, and speak fluently in the languages I love – and I let that MOTIVATE ME!!!!! That, and I am thrilled to know people who are more successful……!!!