Settling vs Settling Down
In the last few weeks I think I’ve received what seem like half a dozen announcements of friends having babies, friends getting engaged and friends getting married. When I told my dad about all this, we got off on a tangent about my own situation, which resulted in my discovery of the 3 hidden dangers of the herd mentality. The idea for this post had been brewing since then, but the words were taking some time to come to me.
Settling vs Setting Down
Far too often in life, I think people fail to make the distinction between settling and settling down. I’m going to go out on a limb and say more people actually settle than settle down. There are of course those who are smart enough to understand that difference and in my mind those are the people that have happy and successful lives.
Settling vs Settling Down in Your Career
I’ve seen alot of people settle for less than what they want in the last year. I was almost one of them. There’s no doubt that the economy has forced people into less than ideal job situations and I can respect that not everybody can easily walk away from a job in two weeks. But, what’s the long term cost of this? If had stayed at the job I hated, within a month I would have been fired and I would have been writing a different blog post and living a different life today.
Signs of Settling:
- I hate this job, but it pays the bills
- It’s not the ideal job, but I’ll take it
- I don’t like what I’m doing, but the money justifies it
- This is the lesser of all evils
- I can take this job and look for something else in the mean time
Signs of Settling Down:
- I love this job
- I love what I do here and the money is just an added bonus
- This job gives me an opportunity to express myself creatively
- The idea of doing this for the next 5 years really excites me
- I’m not really thinking too far ahead and I’m really present when I do this work
Settling vs Settling Down in Relationships
When I look back at the two relationships I had, in one I settled for my first girlfriend so I could experience a relationship. I settled for my second girlfriend by putting up with things that I would never want in a relationship. Settling in relationships is a dangerous place to be. When you settle in a relationship you potentially fu#$# up two people’s lives, yours and the person you settled for. It’s not fair to you or them. So, I’ve vowed to myself that this is one area of my life where I WILL NEVER SETTLE.
Signs of Settling
- This is the best that I can do
- This is significantly better than my last relationship so I shouldn’t complain
- It’s been a long time since I’ve connected with anybody
- Well, I’m x age and if I don’t make this work I’m going to be to old (this one is quite popular)
- etc, etc,
Signs of Settling Down
- I feel amazing about this
- I feel truly blessed to have this person
- I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with this person
- I wake up everyday grateful to have this person next to me
- This is what I truly want
Waking up from the Matrix and Realizing What’s Possible
Once you have broken free from the chains of the matrix and come to terms with the many signs that the matrix has you, then you enter another one of the phases of the personal development journey, that I may not have touched on. You realize what’s possible. Once you realize what’s possible there’s no going back. So it’s enlightening and terrifying all at the same time. You see that it’s possible to shape your life the way you see fit and anything less is unacceptable.
It’s in this moment that settling is no longer an option. I encourage you to give some thought to where you have settled in your life. It might be a bit disturbing at first and you may have made some uncorrectable mistakes. Don’t worry about that. Instead, work on a future where you will not settle. What have been your experiences with this?
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