One of the most ironic lessons I’ve learned in my life is that the things I thought were most imperfect about me ended up being some of my most attractive qualities. I know it sounds really strange. First off, realize that imperfections are really nothing more than something you made up, or something somebody told you once, and as a result you have given that imperfection the meaning that it has. Let me give you some examples to demystify this idea of imperfection. First lets stop calling it an imperfection. Let’s refer to it as one of your unique qualities.
One thing that I have an almost notorious reputation for is ending up with my foot in my mouth, or saying somewhat “inappropriate” things around my friends, yet they all find me quite funny, and that is why we’ve all remained friends. They know that underneath this “foot in my mouth” reputation, I also have a a heart, I’m genuine, and I’m warm. Last summer I was living in San Diego for an internship and I didn’t know a single person in town, so I decided to try a little experiment with complete strangers. I decided to remove all filters from every conversation that I was having with complete strangers. The result was astonishing. People warmed up to me like never before, they responded to me like never before, and I was dumbfounded as to how my “offensive” conversations could make people I just met laugh so much, and like me so much. When one of my best friends asked me how this was possible, I decided to dig a bit deeper and understand it. What I realized was this was the most real I had been in my interactions with strangers, and so few people are comfortable with who they really are. So, when you do run across somebody who is so real, it seems to be almost magnetically attractive. Bare in mind however, that all of this is about having a certain energy that puts people at ease, and that is probably a series of blog posts waiting to happen.
What’s interesting is that as you embrace one of your “unique qualities”, other ones start to become apparent. When I was in junior high and high school I used to get made fun of for having unusually large lips. Today, people in Hollywood spend fortunes on collagen injections to have a gift that I am blessed with naturally. To add to it, I’d never have so many women tell me, I had nice lips. So, now the thing that I was once self-conscious about has become something I embrace. I always think about trying Joey’s advice from Friends when he tells Rachael that he uses “shiny raspberry lip balm to make women want to kiss him.” I haven’t yet, but anything is possible.
Tags: confidence, self esteem, perception
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Wonderful post. It’s so true — often the things that we are made fun of are the amazing things that make us unique and beautiful in our own ways. It’s so important to embrace what we don’t like about ourselves. I’ve been in the same position as you — people compliment me all the time on the things I don’t like the most. Interesting how it works out that way, huh!?
Hehe I like the Friends reference. That’s such a great perspective on your unique qualities. But it does require someone to step back a bit from themselves and their own subjectivity to realise it. It’s hard for me to recognise mine. In fact, I usualy try to avoid even thinking about them. Maybe I’ll start to look at them the way you do. I loved what you said about being ‘real’ and how people are drawn to that. Perhaps it’s best to just stop trying to please everyone.
I like your post. We are so used to hide our real, authentic selves, that whenever we open up people (unconsiously) notice we are not faking anymore.
Wow.. what a beautiful thought, Srinivas!
I don’t know I’ve a similar disease, to say what I feel in my heart. One day my friend invited me to dinner with a two female friends, and one of them was a stark stranger to me and a hostel mate of my other female friend. Once I saw her (first time) I said, “you look good in the sari”. She took it as an offense and told the other female friend and she in return blasted me saying what business you had to comment on her dress- that to a stranger.
I don’t know, this weakness of mine, helped me to get across people and introduce myself to strangers. Live in new towns and cities!!!
I liked your insights!