Comedy in Transit: Two Retards and their Journey across Brazil

Photo: The Sao Paulo Skyline

After weeks of writing about self improvement and getting stuck with no idea what to write about, I decided it was time that I shared a little bit of my life with the people who read my blog. Traveling is a huge part of my life, and in the spirit of authenticity, I figured this might make a good blog post. This story is about a journey from Rio De Janeiro to Bahia, in the Northern Part of Brazil. This was the first two days of a vacation that lasted close to a month. I hope you enjoy it

I figured I had to write this entry before I forgot all the stories. And Yes, I´m one of the two retards. What started out as a rather relaxed vacation quickly had become a victim of the Brazilian cost. So, what is the Brazilian cost? It is a term economists use to describe the cost of doing business in Brazil. It is also a term used by exchange students to describe the cost of their own stupidity. That way if anything went wrong, we just blamed it on the Brazilian cost. We started out the vacation by attending the About us music festival in Sao Paulo, which featured Ben Harper, Dave Matthews, and Vanessa Damata. The most amazing thing was to hear 30k Brazilians singing along with Ben Harper.

After the concert, we headed for Rio on a bus. The first day in Rio was very relaxing, and we treated ourselves to a nice meal and sat out in Copacabana drinking beers and people watching. On tuesday morning, the second retard arrived. My friend Christian and I were two people who should never be left to our own devices, but somehow we always were and stupid situations had become our expertise. I think that you have the Brazilian cost and then you have the Christian and Srini cost. Combined, we probably had wasted the equivalent of 3 days of vacation time in less than 2 days. On Wednesday morning our friends decided to head for Salvador and we discovered that we didn’t have our passports. So, the only option Christian and I had was to go back to Sao Paulo. It was either that or 28 hours on a bus, and we said fuck that.

We arrived in Sao Paulo pissed off that we had to be back. Of course there was no way that this could go smoothly with the two of us. First, my key got stuck in the door at my new apartment and I had to wake up the owner at 6am. Luckily she was home. Then, we got on a bus going in the wrong direction. After that, we got on a bus going in the right direction, but couldn’t get off at our stop because it was too crowded to get off. So we got off at the next stop and took a taxi backwards. Finally we got a bit of rest, and then headed for the airport thinking we were finally all set. We had our passports in hand, and we had a ticket. When we got there, it turned out our bags had to be checked and I didn’t charge my phone and threw it in my bag which was checked in.

Our friends had already arrived in Salvador but we had no idea where they were at, and now began the Sherlock-Holmes type adventure. We had a two hour stop in Brasilia, where you can get a haircut easier than a postcard. There we discovered an internet cafe and there was an email waiting for us with the address of our location in Salvador. It truly felt like a Sherlock Holmes moment, uncovering clues and this type of nonsense. In the midst of this very long day, we decided that we would load up on beer so by the time we landed in Brasilia we had already drank 3 beers.

Finally, we were on a plane to Salvador. When we landed in Salvador I think that God decided that he hadn’t had enough laughs out our expense. After using the bathroom we both were standing at the sinks next to each other and then when we went to reach for our paper towels, we both struggled to pull paper towels out of the dispenser. So, like two complete retards, we crossed paths at the same time, and went to the opposite paper towel dispensers, and pulled on the machine again. Finally, we figured out that we had to push a button, but at this moment we realized our retardedness had reached a whole new level. I can only imagine God and his friends probably felt like they were watching a sitcom.

The only self improvement advice I can give you from this is “Sometimes you learn more on the journey then you do at your destination”

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