Chasing Dreams and Dragging Ass through the Skool of Life

I have been searching my whole adult life for my purpose. I was happy in my corporate world - and then I got married. Next thing I know 3 kids..... oh what was I thinking... I was headed down the slippery slope of life. I look back now and can see clearly that I could have been quite happy without children or I should have incorporated them into my lifestyle not forsaken my goals. When you have children there is an almost predefined path that follows; your life is no longer your own. You have precious little lives in your care and it is quit unsettling to know that your life choices will ultimately affect your off spring. SO I took the safe (expected) route and became the soccer mom, PTA president, classroom mother etc.... I wish I had taken the route less traveled with my children, been more of the free spirit that I was deep inside. Don't be afraid of relationships and children.... you just need to take them on your adventure called life.

I'm working on my masterpiece this second. I'm a 16 year old who has decided to become a pro triathlete, writer, fitness/health coach, and blogger.

There are so many things in life that people act are a given-going to school, getting a "real" job, waiting until you're some random age to decide what you really want in life, etc.

I've decided to go for it. Life is not determined by the majority-it is determined by you.

I plan on doing what I want regardless of what's seen as proper or expected. This isn't a "screw the system" approach. This is an "I make my own system" approach.

Thanks for giving all of us individualists moral validation!

-Armi

Hey Srini, I really resonated with this post. At least you are living on a beach and doing something that brings you joy every day. You may feel like you are wasting time but it doesn't mean you wouldn't be feeling that way if you were in a typical corporate career. At 25, I feel like I am on the slow train too. I have these grand dreams of writing the best screenplay ever (according to who)? without a word written and that would be my equivalent of surfing everyday.
I think you are exactly where you need to be right now. Not everyone follows their hearts and takes such big risks and big risks get big rewards.

As for the aging thing with respect to marriage - I'm 25 and my mom is already pressuring me to find the one and I feel like the pressure I put on myself to find it totally suffocates the possibility of anything lasting - seeking a result never works. I totally compare myself to everyone else who is loved and wonder if there is something wrong with me that Somebody doesn't see the value to stand by me yet. Love really can't be forced and maybe you'd be a better husband and father for having surfed in costa rica for years as opposed to wanting to but never making it happen. I love your blog!!

Srinivas, even though i am still young i had the same thoughts exactly when i saw the first grey hair showing up, i know exactly how it feels
i wish you a long and happy life:)

I feel like you wrote this post for me!:) I have 7 friends getting married this year, 3 friends that are going to have babies and then there is me. I feel like I am 27 going on 40 and that time is quickly passing me by. I try not to let it get to me but it always resurfaces and causes me to doubt my life plan. I like what you said about being a blank canvas and we get to create our path. I think I just need to decide what path that is. Thank you for this post. I am glad that I am not the only one. :)

I no longer feel the need to bow to pressure. I get asked when am I going to have a second child. The short answer is - I am not. I am 42 years old, and have no desire for another child.

People are "nosy parkers" as my Mother used to say. Now I am dating a man who is 12 years younger than me, and I get all kinds of comments about that.

Age really is just a number. I stopped trying to please others a while ago. I now try not to harm others, but stay true to what I want for my own life.

I find my joy in small and large victories, and I am happier now than at any other time in my life.

Thanks for the great reminder that life is to be enjoyed and not endured.

Srini,it is ironic (not) that I as I was thumbing through a favourite book of mine just moments ago (Seven Steps on the Writer's Path, The Journey from Frustration to Fulfillment), looking for a quote to post, I came across this:

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and would say I used everything you gave me." ~ Erma Bombeck

I think that's "arriving". Cheers! Kaarina

Hi, Srinivas.

You always churn out posts that get me thinking about where I am and where I am headed. I have always believed in chasing dreams and finding the motivation to keep those dreams alive. I also believe in not placing a time limit in catching these dreams.

So, for me, it does not matter really if we don't meet the expectations people have of us, especially if these are on the lines of getting married at a certain age or having that kind of job. What matters is that we were able to live the life that we have dreamed for ourselves, without hurting anyone in the process.

Cheers!
Kim

What's up Sri?

My name is Jherald and I have been hit by this non-conformity bug for quite some time, and has really never went away. I am barely taking my own personal necessary steps to end the 9-5 corporate grind and go out into the world and start a new Journey. I've spent my 23 years here in Los Angeles ad the thought of creating a social "status-apparatus" to fit into a society that isn't even ideal anyway just doesn't sit well with my stomach. I've been an avid reader of your blog ever since I've been hit by the bug and you really have inspired/motivated the hell out of me. My Journey-launch date is sometime in mid 2012 and I hope I can come back to this site for reference during my Journey whenever I lose focus/motivation. Anyways, I'm not sucking up or anything, I just want you to know that I've really been inspired and I'm sure many people out here feel the same way. The point is, as long as you're doing what you love, chasing your dreams, and listening to your heart, somewhere along the way, things will start falling into place.

I can relate to this post as well. You also have to realize that the culture we are in today is different from our peers. It is completely normal to be in your 30s and be "free", as this social infrastructure has changed dramatically. There is nothing wrong with helping yourself first (getting your state to your desire) prior to taking on the weight of others (relationships, extended help). Too many people are trying to fit in, when in fact they should be standing out. Thanks for sharing this post Srinivas.

Being born in Russian and surrounded by many Russians in the community here in Cleveland I can tell you that what you experienced is the norm.

Russian ladies care because they just like to get into everyones business :)

I always remind my mom of a time she came home from the store one day sand said "guess what I heard about you..."

To which I responded "there is not an ounce of truth in that story, where did you hear that from?"

Her: "oh you don't know them..."

Your post is really touching though. It really shows the give and take of life. You can't have it all. And very often you think is the grass greener? And you never really know unless you experience it I guess. But no need to rush into things (especially if you realize that you are happy where you are).

While I was reading this I couldn't help but think how many times I am so thankful not to have a family. I think the freedom of being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want and not having to convince someone else to move to Costa Rica with me or NYC or take a vacation through the jungle to look at monkeys face to face - all of that is a luxury that many people, even people like us, sometimes forget about. I am sure there is a way to have both (find a partner who is willing to do the same crazy shit)but for now, enjoy the ride and time is only a number.
Also, be thankful that you didn't settle down early and trying to find a way out to do the things your truly love. I could go on and on forever about this - I think you just inspired my next blog haha

Hi Buddy,

If you are taking the scenic route, I am not so sure. I think the ones who chose the 9-5, comfortable corporate road, took the scenic route.
Our road is a lot faster.

Let me explain, what do you learn working for a boss everyday? What they want to you to do.

How fast do you have to figure out what you love doing and what you are really good at? You don't, you can spend teh rest of your life ignoring it.

On the other side, look at your path and I look at mine and find that I have been on one hell of a learning curve, actually its more like a vertical line.

So we are the ones on the highway racing through life, learning faster, gaining more experiences.

Srini,

First of all, thank you for contributing this post.
It is a good habit to write on a regular basis.

Secondly, to get married and have children is your business. To remain single is also your business. We also have confirmed, life-long bachelors out there. Maybe they don't want the hassles of married life and are looking for freedom or something else.

Third, it is important to keep in mind that at least half of the marriages end in divorce anyway. In some cultures, they have accepted this with resignation.

Fourth, grey hairs have nothing at all to do with age. Age is a state of mind: it is an attitude you bring to the table. I know one kid who seems really old at 15. I also know of a man of 80 plus who seems like a youngster. He is young in heart and has the spirit of a child who has just discovered a favorite toy.

Fifth, don't worry about trivialities. Long ago you made a choice not to embrace the conventional life.
You are made of sterner stuff and decided to take a leap into the unknown. Your contemporaries, by contrast are chained to the cubicle and the marriage bed over which hangs the sword of Damocles.

Finally, your decision to become location independent and start your home business has enabled you to gain fresh perspectives and engage with new experiences that others can only dream about.

Secretly, when you talk about your freelance life, they will be envious of you. Their ego will prevent them from articulating this fact, but you know what I mean. They chose the comfort of safety and security, whereas you chose to fly like a bird in the vast and open sky.

People make choices in life. No choice is better or worse than another choice. It is just a personal choice, that's all. Comparisons are odious anyway.

Had you chosen the way of your peers, the rest of your life you would have felt like a square peg in a round hole. In the end, do what makes you happy.

Cheerio.

Maybe the trodden path is just not for you (yet) Srini. Right now this is the lifestyle you want to lead and that's all what matters.

There's a huge difference between falling short of expectations or deciding they are not for you.

Your tolerance for risks is an asset. If you use it wisely, it will bring you all the best life has to offer.

Wim

If there is a place where we say, "I've arrived," I haven't found it yet! You have to live your life. As long as the motivation to it all isn't selfish, who cares.

If it all is completely selfish (I mean we all are a little selfish and should be) then that's another story all together.