3 Hidden Dangers of the Herd Mentality

thanks - needed to read this today. Keeping following the path less traveled.

Some of the worst, most unimaginable things have happened as a result of herd/mob mentality. On a personal level, the self doubt and fear creeps in whenever you stray from the herd's path. I have had doubts and have questioned if I'm doing the right thing. It can be hard sometimes, but straying from the herd has made life so much more exciting and feel that much more free.
.-= Mark Lawrence´s last blog ..Success Needs No Excuse! =-.

I love this post! There were a number of things that I remained outside of the herd on and it was so difficult. People look at you from the comfort of their cattle crowd and judge you that you aren't crapping in the same place they are. The herd is absolutely fantastic for the people who want the security of those decisions having already been laid out for them.

As you said, there is nothing wrong with choosing to make those same decisions for yourself. Marriage, kids, etc...they are all amazing when you make the decision freely to pursue them (I can testify to that!) but I can't imagine how awful it must be to attain them because of the herd mentality.

Even now that I have a wife and kids, I am looking to remove ANOTHER part of my life away from the herd and it is met with much confusion and anger from those around me. Self doubt, fear, and bad decisions are things I have to be constantly aware of and fight against.

Such an awesome post. Can't wait to see pictures of your year long surf trip. :)

@Parker: Thanks for stopping by here. I'll have to check out your post on arranged marriages. And as far as value going up, I love that :). It's just a great perspective to have.

@Tom: I can only imagine how much the herd mentality is built into us given that we've depended on it for survival. Fortunately times have changed and we can start to blaze our own trails.

@Mars: That voice within is often not the most practical thing, and therefore many find it hard to follow. When i left a job in two weeks after 6 months of searching people thought i had really lost my mind. But, that bet has paid off in more ways than I could have imagined.

@Corporate Culture: agreed. I think personal wisdom and experience is where most of my blog content comes from.

fortunately once you really understand how pervasive "herd" mentality is the better you can get free of it's effect. for life choices that are big, or uncertain it always makes us feel better to know what other's have done. there is no shortcut to gaining personal wisdom and experience.

Hey Srini, important post

herd mentality can be dangerous - just because everyone is doing it, doesn't mean it's right. Parents usually want the best - but they are old-fashioned.

It's always best to listen to the voice within, despite what everyone else is saying. It's your pathway.
.-= Mars Dorian´s last blog ..What YOU can learn from these Digital Crusaders ! =-.

Hi Srini,

Way to build your own life! The "herd mentality" is a very, very strong aspect of "the human condition". Biologically we are a social species with a "built-in" need to belong to "the group" and be accepted. We are predisposed to "follow the herd," so you are a courageous man indeed.

Re: Arranged marriages: I heard a statistic at a meeting the other day that people in arranged marriages are happier. The statistic was mentioned in connection with research about having too many choices leads to dissatisfaction and "buyer's remorse." Check out Dan Gilbert's TED talk or his book "Stumbling to Happiness" for the research and implications.
.-= Tom Huntington´s last blog ..You Can’t Rush Learning . . . You Can’t Rush Life =-.

Hi Srinirao,

Good stuff! I totally understand what you're going through. What's important is that you do what you want to do.

Besides, a little known secret is that as we Men get older, our Value goes up :)
So we can be 40 and marry a nice young 30 year old.. ha ha

My latest post, actually talks abit about arranged marriages, and why the idea behind it is much more realistic into building a life long partner versus the "western culture" way of looking at marriage. I think you should check it out.

Cheers!

--Parker
.-= Parker Lee | howtomingle.com´s last blog ..WOMEN: will YOU end up ALONE-? =-.

@Kasie: Yeah, immigrant parents I think are very much the same in terms of those values, but it's partially because they grew up in such a different day and age. In those days doing the most practical things ensured success.

@Archan: You nailed it. One size doesn't fit all. It's not that there's anything wrong with these things I've mentioned in and of themselves. It's that when people end up on those paths out of peer pressure things get messy.

Srini,

Yes, I have noticed that people from your community seem to be preoccupied about marriage (shaadi), food (khaana), job (naukri), marks, counting every penny, saving instead of spending, etc. There is nothing wrong with this mentality. However, one size does not fit all. It works for some people, but may not work for other people. Every individual has a different story.

So, if you don't want to get married, that should be fine. We already have enough people in this world. Why add to the misery? LOL. Follow your dreams. Cheers!

It's so funny how similar immigrant parents are . . .well all parents are similar, but even more so when they come to America with their old-world values and practices...If it were up to my folks, I would have been a married pharmacist with at least 2 kids. Your are right - its best to follow your individual path and do what you were meant to do. Funny though, it is usually the case that they ones who stray from the beaten path are the ones who end up getting married and having a billion kids -GOOD LUCK WITH THAT! haha

@Jen: I"m kind of like you in that sense even though the people I"m closest to are not the ones rejecting the status quo. I agree that it's important to have people on both sides of that fence in your life. The people on the other side of the fence in my life are some of the most amazing people in my life.

What a great reminder! I'm at that age where the majority of my friends are getting married and having kids, but I'm also at the age (and lucky enough) where I have friends rejecting that status quo! One of my best friends has outright said she doesn't believe in marriage, and she is happily living with one of my high school friends (her boyfriend) in a house they both bought, with no intention of having kids other than their dog.

I think having people on both sides of the fence in your life is important, no matter which side you're currently on or end up on. We all need that perspective.
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Fill in the blank Friday: Fashion =-.

@Ami: Surprisingly I have never actually sat down read Dan Pink's work in detail. But it's definitely on my list. As far as our future, I would have to a agree that conventional wisdom is starting to be less and less effective and people who are blazing their own trails will be the future of of our world.

Baaa
Mooo
Oink?

As a nice Korean girl, I've seen exactly the situation you describe - again from the girl's perspective. Of course, our parents know - with great clarity - exactly what it takes to succeed.

In the TWENTIETH century.

There was a time when conformity, convention and following the herd sent you down a nice, safe path to a nice, secure life. Entrepreneurs and rebels existed, and they sometimes succeeded and sometimes didn't .

Now, however, it seems to me that the conventional and safe path is becoming the risky path. Doing the conventional - doing well in school, going to a top college, working hard for a big company, following boss's orders - is increasingly less likely to lead to security. As Daniel Pink suggests, we will need more creative and out of the box thinking to thrive into the 21st century. We also need more risk taking and independent thinking.

So I think you're on the right track. Courage! We need more people like you to blaze the trail.
.-= ami´s last blog ..What the Heck Do I Do With My Word? 5 Easy Steps to Boost Your Word’s Magic =-.

Note how many friends are getting divorced. I'm 33, and many of those who got married before 25 are now miserable and divorced or heading there.
.-= Mitch Bartlett´s last blog ..HTC Droid Incredible: Turn Off Haptic Feedback =-.

@Moon: I can only imagine how much worse this must be for a girl. More power to you for sticking to your guns and forging your own path.

Srinirao, I come from Pakistani parents and am a female and am almost 28 years old.... My dad doesn't appreciate what I'm doing.

I should've been married probably with a couple of kids by now. I am on a completely different path right now and that's fine with me.... so I understand where you are coming from.

Only it seems like you can talk to your dad. I can't even do that! Nothing's open for discussion. Oh well.

Good luck and you're doing fine!
.-= Moon Hussain´s last blog ..Fun Friday Round-Up: OMG I’m Less Than 3 Weeks From My Move! =-.